Tagged truth

Death To White Supremacy

I don’t normally do prefaces on here because it’s my shit, and I can run it however I feel. But let me state: I don’t hate white people. They’re cool. They invent some cool shit, they make good beers and are always willing to start the wave at baseball games. 12% of my Tumblr is half-naked to fully naked pink toes. So with that being said, DEATH TO WHITE SUPREMACY. And it can take white privilege with it.

I’m not going to touch on societal news. Not because I think it’s being talked about by everybody too much — I think more people should bring more shit to the surface in regards to race and gender inequalities — but because I don’t feel like typing a book. I make too many typos for that and I refuse to be up all night re-reading my own words. I’m going to speak on a personal story.

I’m a contractor within a faction of the U.S. government that deals with the distribution of SSI benefits. With that job, comes a dedicated email address I use to communicate with the other employees. In my email signature,I have the following: my name, the name of contract company that severely under-pays me, my phone number and up until yesterday, a message that read stay black. It was bold and it was italicized. But with a font size not any larger than the rest of my signature. I’ve had it for months. Maybe a little bit before the murder of Michael Brown occurred. I partially did it out of amusement, so when I proceed with the story, just know that I sort of saw it coming.

Sunday morning, around 10, my division director comes into the office, which is strange because there were no major changes going in. She speaks to the woman I work with on weekends and then comes speaks to me. She says hello and then leans in and lowers her voice. Now, a few times this past year, she and I have had talks in regards to positions I’ve applied for that are in different buildings on the campus. So I thought maybe she’s got some application updates from some other big-wig she might be cool with. “Heeeyyy do you uuuhhhh have something ummmmm in your email uuuuhhhh about stay black?” (internal giggles commence). I tell her yes. She stammers through the next few sentences, basically telling me I have to remove it. This is a nice woman and I don’t really want to make her the first line of defense my grievances plows through, so my only question was “Did I offend someone?” More stammering, more ummms than fucking vowels. She basically danced around answering it. And like I stated, she’s a nice lady and probably felt a little uneasy approaching me about such a silly fucking request. I truly believe that only because before she walked away, she said “I understand (pause) but just replace it with something else.” Part of me IMMEDIATELY started thinking about how I could use this as a platform to expose some other foul shit I’ve learned about (like say the guy who had to cut his dreads to get a GS-12). Another part chuckled at the fact that little ol’ me made someone uncomfortable enough, that they complained and it somehow got back to my boss’s boss. There was also a part of me that didn’t really care, because I know how I feel in my heart and no one can take that from me. BUT ALL THOSE PARTS TOOK A BACKSEAT TO MY INNER JERK. It was selfish of me but all I could think was I’m going to get the opportunity to be vindictive, and mask it behind my own little war for freedom of speech. Man, I know Buddha and Gandhi itched for chances like this. I know they did. Endless rap verses zoomed through my mind, as I tried to find the perfect fucking 1 or 2 bars I could put in my signature. “No disrespect intended/but if you offended/can’t take it back/handle ya business” noo noo too antagonizing “if it offends you/its meant to/it’s that simple” noo noo too blatant Then I was going to use something with the word noir in it but I’m not cultured enough to think of anything that clever. So, I just settled for the happy mellow whale face:

^_____________^

I love that face. Anyway, I get to work today and settle in. I happen to see an email from my team lead who has been out of work because of personal issues but recently started teleworking. I won’t type what she said verbatim, because well, I don’t remember. But trust me when I say it was some tap dancing we gotta keep massa pleased type shit. I laughed. She also included the chain of emails that caused all this. Those emails included the initial rat, the rat’s division director — who we’ll call an opossum — and the associate commissioner. Now, to give you something to compare that to, lets say I was a White House staff member and this same scenario happened. In terms of chain of command, the speaker of the house was informed of my “unprofessional” email signature. That is how unnecessarily high up this complaint went. Mind you, I just wanted someone to make corrections to a failed piece of software. And that didn’t happen for 2 fucking days. I’m following protocol yet the bigger issue ended up being the offended sensibilities of a middle-aged white women. Now what’s really amusing to me is the associate commissioner’s response DID NOT MAKE ANY MENTION OF MY SIGNATURE. I’m willing to bet a small portion of my turd’s worth paycheck that he saw that email and thought “oh jesus h christ REALLY!?” or something along those lines. I don’t know how down-to-earth white men who make 200K+ a year verbally respond to weak bullshit.

The other thing that didn’t sit well with me was who they used to inform me of this wanna be transgression. Three different black women. Each in a different position within the division I work in. What’s the big deal, right? Corporations are modern-day plantations. Don’t let the paycheck fool you. Capitalism teaches greed and constant accumulation via the hard work of someone else. You can not run a successful (profitable) corporation (plantation) without employees (slaves) and management (overseers and help). And this is where I inject my (probably crazy sounding) mammy theory. (Hell, one might already exist) White bosses, usually men, need someone who can oversee parts of the business that they themselves can not always have a hand in because they are waaaay too far up to reach down. Most of the time, they employ other white men but there are other times where they specifically select black women. Why? Well, for some unknown cosmic fucking reason, black women, in general, exude a motherly vibe unlike no other entity on the planet. I’ve hugged trees. Didn’t feel the love. Black women are caring, understanding, compassionate, etc. But they also are good disciplinarians. Once again, speaking in general terms so bear with me. Also, because of the fact that black women have been treated like pure shit in America since…whenever the fuck the 1st black female was thrown onto american soil, nowadays, they tend to really go for self if/when they enter (read: get let into) the corporate world. It’s safe to say most feel like no one has their back — and its true, sadly. If you haven’t experienced the cattiness that is two black women in an office setting who happen to have slightly different agendas, then you’re lying or blind… or a blind liar. So, in order to maintain their appointed position, and possibly further advance within the system, generally they will follow orders with far less resistance than say another white man who is watching the throne, or the very rare black male manager who has to do shit to tone down his black masculinity (like shave off his facial hair and NOT listen to rap on his lunch break). My proposed mammy theory is not intended to dump on the hard work that many black women have done in order to get wherever they are professionally. I was raised by a single mom, lived with her, my grandmother (RIP) and aunt (RIP) at one point in my life. And as I’ve gotten older, my admiration of their strength (especially my mom) has grown continuously. But realize that, within a fixed system, accomplishments for black women and men are throttled. You’ll only get as far as the boss will let you. So my semi-frustration with how this particular over-blown ordeal was handled isn’t directed at the black female managers but at the system that uses them as buffers for prejudice, white privilege, a cycle of white patriarchal greed and whatever other devilish shit that happens behind the curtains.

I didn’t intend to type this much. Let me go eat dinner. Fuck corporate. Stay black.

Smarten Up Nas

Quick re-cap of the last 4.5 hours of my life, and how I almost constantly self-sabotage myself and how the universe keeps telling me to stay on course. So, the first Thursday of every month, my guys and I set up shop at a local gallery to advertise, sell and socialize. Today didn’t go quite as planned but that’s life. Anyway, I always have my camera on me, even if I don’t have it set in my mind that I’m going to use it. “Are you a photographer?” I got that at least 4 times. Ask me why I always reply no? Because I’m a slave to transparency and putting up fronts doesn’t sit well with me. But I shoot myself in the foot in a way because traction in the professional creative world can come in many forms, right? Right. Moving on, I had some posters in my car. Asked if it was cool if I threw one of my posters up behind the DJ booth. “Sure man, anything you want.” Poster goes up… “hey Ron, how can people get in contact if they want to buy one?” FUCK ME. Moving on. I come home, get settled in, grub and my focus shifts to one thing. One totally unnecessary thing. Nike x APC Frees. Yeeeaaaahhhh, I know they’re $150 and I could put that towards something more beneficial but I want those shits. Those shits? Sold out. FUCK ME. As I let out the last of a 47 second long sigh, 2 post-it notes come into my line of sight. One has product numbers for tubes of watercolor paint. The other has notes and pricing for portfolio site I have intentions to build. Why haven’t you built it already, you ask? Lack of funds. But weren’t you about to buy $150 shoes, you ask?

I almost constantly self-sabotage myself

IT IS A FUCKING SICKNESS, I SWEAR. I’m fixing myself though. I swear that too.

Smile…Because You Ain’t Shit

Went out to get some food with the og a few days ago. We’re riding around, and there’s a lady in the car ahead of my car, doing something abnormal. I don’t remember what exactly. From my passenger seat, the following is shouted: “oh what the fuck are you doing”, “get the fuck…”,”…this dumb bitch”. There were some other things dished out as well, but those are basically the meat and potatoes of that rage platter. A platter, slathered in brown, cantankerous gravy. He was so pissed, and he got to that level so quickly. Internally, I was having a chucklefest. It’s funny to me when anyone gets mad to that extent, for no legit reason (he wasn’t even driving). Outside, I probably wore a look of confusion, with a hint of concern for what I’m sure was a strong upward jolt in his blood pressure. We all got home safely though. No further incidents of shotgun road rage.

I’m home chilling on the back porch, starring at the trees, feeling small, physically not psychologically, and I got the urge to write.

REALIZE YOUR INSIGNIFICANCE IN THE GRAND SCHEME NOT WHAT YOU DO BUT WHAT YOU ARE YOU ARENT IMPORTANT ANNOYANCE BEING BOTHERED ALL SIGNS THAT YOU THINK/FEEL YOU ARE IMPORTANT YOU ARENT MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR ACTIONS DISCOVER THIS TRUTH AND FREE YOURSELF FROM BEING ANNOYED BEING BOTHERED BEING ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED ESPECIALLY BY ACTIONS TAKEN OUT ON YOU WHY DO YOU FEEL YOU SHOULD BE FREE OF INCONVENIENCE? YOUR ROAD TO WHEREVER SHOULD BE CLEAR OF BUMPS BECAUSE OF WHAT THERE IS NO REASON DESERVING ANYTHING IS A PRIVILEGE YOU DESERVE NO MORE PRIVILEGE THAN THE ANTS ON YOUR BASEBOARD ONCE YOU REALIZE THAT SIMPLY BREATHING ISNT ENOUGH OF A REASON FOR THINGS TO GO YOUR WAY YOU GET OVER TROUBLES ANNOYANCES HARD TIMES BUMPS IN YOUR PATH INCONVENIENCES QUICKER YOUR ABILITY TO MOVE ON STRENGTHENS THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU R UNDESERVING OF RESPECT OR THINGS OF THAT NATURE THOSE ARE THINGS OTHER PEOPLE SHOULD PRACTICE DONT TAKE THEIR LACK OF PRACTICING THOSE THINGS PERSONAL YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH OTHER PEOPLES SHORTCOMINGS

LOL @ “discover this truth”. That’s some real BS GURU stuff, right? I practice it though. I joke when I tell people I’m at constant zen. I have a loose grasp of understanding Buddhism so I really don’t know if my (mostly) constant state of being is zen like at all. It’s probably not. I’m chill though. Realized I ain’t shit long time ago.

Land of the Phony, Home of the Hypocrite

I typed this earlier today on my phone, while I was at work, and saved it in my drafts. Instead of editing it and changing the subject/verb tenses(?), I’m just going to leave it as is. My feelings haven’t changed over the course of 5 hours.

CNN is on, as it often is while I’m at work. Fareed Zakaria is discussing two topics with the anchor: guns in america and education. Here’s my summary of what I gathered from the closed caption. Americans are dumb and trigger happy. I’m kidding. Buuuuut, I’m willing to bet a good portion of the world has a view very similar to that. Apparently, the quality of education is not so good in lower income areas of the country. I am totally shocked by that. I mean, who would think that if you combine underpaid instructors, crappy facilities, inefficient/outdated learning tools and a boring curriculum, you would end up with an educational system that basically pumps out shit product. Not that I’m trying to dehumanize kids by referring to them as product but “hey look, a spade.” Then, there are the external factors, as opposed to the actual schools, like the living situation, the kid’s diet, medical issues, parental guidance and so on.

My take on guns in America is pretty straight forward. I think if one person is allowed to, then all people should at the least, be presented with the opportunity to own a gun. Now, if one person can’t, then no one should. That includes cops, doctors, dudes who drive bank deposit trucks, the man behind the thick glass at the halal market, Rusty who lives out in the sticks, whomever. What I find amusing, although not entirely humorous, is the things that this country does contradicts how it wants its citizens to live. There’s the heavy anti-bullying campaign that has been happening recently. That’s laughable since our armed forces are peppered all over the global, flexing muscle unnecessarily (drone strikes on huts and shit). Mrs Obama was spearheading a movement against childhood obesity, if I’m not mistaken, yet there are additives and chemicals in our food that other countries have banned because they directly affect the health of their citizens (i.e high fructose corn syrup). BANNED SON. If you turn on the news, they constantly run segments about terror and terrorist, both domestic and foreign. They will dig into reasons behind mass murders. Ask yourself, how many times in an hour did they show the planes crashing into the towers? That shit was on a fucking infinite loop. It is clear-as-day fear mongering. So, you’ve basically made guns seem like the most powerful tool for defense, then through media programming try to make your citizens feel like there is always a chance we will be attacked (“BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR…” aka be on the defense) and then say “Well, we’re gonna have to ask you guys to start handing over your tools for defense.” How can a person feel safe if they can’t properly defend themselves? Everybody doesn’t have time for Krav Maga. I’m not a “gun nut”. Honestly, I don’t really like guns but I think they are useful tools. I feel like the topic of gun control is as stupid as the war on drugs. They both are things invented by some people inside a power structure that play on a person’s need to feel safe and then in turn, end up fucking over those same people.

Also, Max B is a political prisoner.

When The Melting Pot Bubbles Over

I’ll be dead and gone by the time a real race war kicks off. It is going to happen, it’s no denying that. Who will be the victor? I don’t know. Will there even be a victor? I don’t know. But shit is getting crazy, so it’s inevitable. CNN is on all day while I’m at work so I get the chance to watch all these reporters and analysts and so-called experts voice their opinions on race relations in this nation, and globally. I’m amazed at the amount of denial and downplaying done. It almost makes the news look more like just another drama tv show. I just want, for once, even if it is only for a minute, someone to get on one of these panels and speak truthfully and with common sense. There can’t possibly be a peaceful ending to it. All this talking and mediation. All the peaceful protesting and marching. *steps on landmine* MLK marched and well, you see how that went. Malcolm became less militant, and well.. yeah. I’ve said this a lot lately to a lot of people. The term civil rights makes me chuckle a little whenever I hear it or see it pop up on tv. It is such a broad statement in terms of the treatment of a people, any people. I mean, just think about what you know about world history and the violence that has been documented. Then step into the present and ask yourself if it is truly possible for a group of people that have a LONG history of acts that are heartless, cruel, senseless, hell pick any antonym of civil, to just up and say “Hey, we’ve been unfair to you all, sorry. Here’s the land we stole and here’s the acres we owe you.” Does anyone actually believe it would go down like that? It won’t. It’s going to be violent. It’s going to be bloody. Most of all, it’s going to be necessary.

Normas Don’t Give a Fuck

Baltimore Street. If you’re from the city, you hear that and the first thing you think of is the block and a half that is nothing but titty bars. There’s a small side street within that block that used to house 4 more bars. I haven’t been there in a while but I think it’s down to just one, plus a side entrance for Hustler’s Club. The one spot still standing is Norma Jeans. I frequented Normas a lot in my early 20s. It was the first place I wasted half a pay check at (oh Angel Beauty, I’ll never forget you and your baby hair). It was the first place I touched a fake titty at. I’m pretty sure it was the first place I threw up on carpet as an adult at. A lot of memories, you know. But one that stands out the most is the time where I almost got myself removed from the building. J Sparrow and I were at the bar and I’m getting a fairly decent lap dance. One of those where if you focus too much on the gyration, you might get a full blown boner. I mean, it happens, you know. I could give a rat’s ass about getting a chub in public but boners are kind of personal. Anyway, I go to pay for the drinks with my credit card, and the bartender ask for ID. I hand it over, totally forgetting that on said ID is my birth date and I wasn’t 21 yet.

The bartender looks at my ID, looks at me, sighs….SWIPE.

Normas don’t give a fuck.

The transition from acquisition to burden

Fact of life: the more money you make, the more you spend. I was cleaning up last weekend and found a manila envelope with random paperwork and old pay stubs in it. Between 1999 and 2004, I think I had 6 different jobs. The common thread: shit pay. But somehow, I always had money to do random recreational shit, which mostly consisted of outlet shopping and excessive alcohol consumption (sorry liver). Nowadays, even though I’m making almost triple what I made at my highest paying crappy job, I somehow haven’t made any real advancements in terms of liquid assets. I saw a picture online and that’s what prompted this entry. Whether it was a spur of the moment picture or what, I don’t know but the thought of having more bread in my pocket excites me a lot more than just having an apartment full of merchandise. I feel like I’m just hoarding shit now. And I hate that, because it’s so pointless. In my heart, I know I can live with less, a lot less. I just haven’t figured out how to, yet. I wish there was an eBay brick and mortar store so I could just drop some shit off and come back 2 weeks later to pick up my profits.

Get On Yo’ Grind

I try not to let money be the source of my happiness. I try not to let money be the reason for my down days. I really try hard, but it’s fucking impossible to not let that tiny piece of paper sway my moods. With that being said, I have an interview for a part-time gig in one of Nike’s outlet stores tomorrow. So I’m just going to put this out in the universe, and see what happens: Hi Oregon. -chuckles-

Stand on my own, not who I stand next to

Yo homez, smell ya’ later

While I was watching this, which was about 15 minutes and half a cup of luke-warm coffee ago, I had the intentions of posting it and saying some things that I thought would be thought provoking or enlightening. I completely forgot everything I was going to type. I guess it wasn’t meant to be said or read. But I think everyone should watch this video. I don’t want to automatically attach fame and success to being right, but he’s saying some real shit. And well, there has got to be a reason why professionally, and personally up until recently, he’s excelled.