Stranger Danger

Check it. I hit Trillectro this weekend. I’m chilling in the very back of the pavilion section (wishing I had a joint). I got caught slipping. Out of fucking nowhere, this chick comes up, sits on the armrest of the empty chair beside me and commences to take a selfie… with me. No hi, no introduction. First words out my mouth: I’m not who you think I am. Not going to get into why I said that, just trust me. In return, I get a weird stare that let me know that what I just said didn’t register as relevant because she just continued to hold the phone up.

“Yo what are you doing?”
“It’s a selfie.”
“I know that but why?”
*skips off*

No, I did not give chase. I laughed to myself, and wondered who else just saw what happened and thought “what the hell was that about?” like I did. I wouldn’t consider myself skittish. Maybe a tad standoffish. I’m just not the type to run up on people I don’t know, and I kind of expect that same treatment. Clearly, shit does not work like that. Yo she was probably down for whatever, should’a bagged that is what (I feel like) most dudes, and some chicks, would say after hearing that short re-cap. That might be true. But I can’t say I find strange women — who appear without warning or greeting, steal a small piece of your soul with cellular photography technology, and then prance off like it’s normal — appealing. That is some loony shit to me. Actually, it’s loony. Period.

With that said, shout out to all the women who didn’t stab a dude when they rolled up on them on some disrespectful shit. Your tolerance is applauded forever.

Coffee, with a side of heavy sighs for brunch

I read 3 articles, all on Huffington Post’s site, and I feel like humans aren’t shit. (Shout out to the dramatics.) No. People in general are ok. I don’t know if I can say whole-heartedly that society has gone to shit. History only tells me that learning from your mistakes is a lesson everybody doesn’t fuck with. The 1st article was written by a Japanese woman who survived the bombing of Hiroshima. Her descriptions of being a child, seeing her classmates die slowly, seeing neighbors suffer should bother anyone with a conscience. SHOULD. I have a loose understanding of what having a conscience entails. I feel like standard definitions of words don’t totally encompass what they mean(etymology time?) That’s just me and my ever-present doubting of what’s real. Maybe some people don’t develop a conscience, maybe something drives it out of them. I don’t know. But in the story, she speaks on her backing global nuclear disarmament. I would take it many steps further and hope to live in a world where weapons of any type will no longer be , or at least feel necessary. But my head isn’t that far in the clouds so I know that will never happen in my lifetime. (Shout out to defeatism, the cancer of progress.) The price of human ingenuity or the cost of lack-of-compassion? Or both. The 2nd story was a report on surveys/polls taken in regards to the unfair treatment of blacks in Amerikkka, following the birth of the Black Lives Matter movement. A group of people say they aren’t being treated as equals, the past shows proof of that claim and an entire nation continues to expand its empire based off of that mistreatment, yet we still need polls to see how the collective feels. It’s maddening. Levels of madness. I don’t 100% buy into the numbers that these surveys offer, but for the sake of this entry I will quote a particular portion that made me want to bash my face on the desk.

In 2014, only 39 percent of whites said more needed to be done. In 2015, that number jumped to 53 percent. For blacks, the numbers increased from 79 percent to 86 percent, and for Hispanics, 54 percent to 70 percent.

For blacks, the numbers increased from 79 percent to 86 percent Why isn’t it 100%? Where is the black man/woman who looks at black communities across the nation and says “nah, we’re good”? I want to listen to them talk about EVERYTHING. Speaking for myself, sometimes the people who know the least are just as interesting as the people who know the most. Admittedly, I don’t know of every disenfranchised/oppressed/stepped-upon group of people around the globe, but every cry for help should be acknowledged. The 3rd article was about an AAU team that was disqualified from a tournament — in which they were undefeated — because their was a girl on the roster. I don’t have anything insightful to say about that other than fuck adults. It’s unfair to punish a team of kids for this but it’s a deeper issue regarding how this girl will view herself as she progresses through life.

maybe our society’s suppose to drown/ middle finger up on the Titanic as it’s going down – El-Producto

I Drank a Bottle of Primal Roots

I’m currently in that phase where I’ve had enough to drink to think I know it all but not enough to know for sure that I know it all so I’ll just talk non-sense until I’m stopped or someone stops me. The universe will most likely stop me. That’s how it normally goes. My mother turned 67 on Thursday. That’s old; from a human’s perspective. I don’t have the ability to communicate with trees(yet), so people are the closest thing I have to get to the not so recent past. Her stories are sort of cool to me now. Random thought leading into what I signed on to talk about. I don’t even know what the hell I was going to talk about. My phone died a few days ago and I haven’t been keeping up with anything that I would normally keep up with using my cellular device — which is EVERYTHING. I feel bad that I’ve missed the creation of a new hash tagged name. And that’s fucked up because the creation of said hash tagged name should be the real issue. Right? Right. This will be the 3rd time I’ve posted this quote on the internet but whatever: ..speaking of healing without speaking of love will always evade the truth. I read that and instantly thought of the various public figures on their “campaign trail” saying the police and the public have to start working together to build trust and blah blah blah. After reading that quote, I now (even more) say those here ye’, here ye’ calls for peace are bullshit. Telling the person who is constantly getting beat up to see the bully’s side of things is insulting. FUCK YOU to anyone that whole-heartedly supports a system that backs government sanctioned murders.

Stay Busy. Stay Black.

I think I’ve made an unconscious decision to keep myself just occupied enough to be aware of the ills of the world but not to get completely swallowed up by them.

I’m learning to be more deliberate with my opinions but also not allowing them to be the only thing I offer to the world.

Rest easy, Sandra Bland. Fuck 12 forever.

Currently:

_MG_6780

It’s funny how I see more straight when I’m bent

That was a bar I heard a few years ago, and I almost immediately subscribed to it. It fit at the time because rarely was I not medicated. I constantly felt like I was stumbling upon concepts that were new to me. But, for better or worse, things have changed. My usage has lessened. My lessons have shifted. Most people seem to express the notion that their most profound “aha” moments come when under the influence. I’m finding that mine come during my post-binge moment of clarity. High philosophies are fun to explore, and can lead to positive changes in one’s life. No doubt. Lately, I’m discovering that most of the (educational) moments of self-reflection come a day or so after I’ve run out of drugs. Maybe I’ve had time to process whatever ideas the universe has sent my way(or that I passed through). Maybe things buried by day-to-day actions come to the surface. I don’t know.

Thoughts between coffee & whatever I’m going to eat for lunch

Shout to being busy with doing things you enjoy doing. A weird sort of progressive therapy or something.

Both my parents have recently commented, like within the last 2 months, on how they could have done better jobs raising me. Coincidentally, I’ve been making up for wasted time as a lazy teen by studying more and taking advantage of my talents.

I haven’t read up on the FIFA scandal but I have a very general idea about what is going on. I’m not surprised by any slimy-ness. Professional sports are built upon the buying and selling of human bodies and talents. Really, it’s inherently immoral.

I haven’t posted up in the streets of foreign countries enough. I wish cared about documenting my travels, when I was traveling more.

I’m cheating on Baltimore w/ NYC this spring. Now to add L.A. to the chain.

Today’s weather forecast: corduroy shorts.

I wonder if there are any white people who support black owned and operated businesses exclusively.

Current necessities: veggie/fruit smoothie truck, pumpkin colored low-cut wallies, super lemon haze

Reflection Internal

I have been bluffing heavy on writing here. It’s not that I don’t have anything to talk about. Far from that. On occasion I will write down, without any real structure, ideas and theories with the intentions to expand on them here. But, it seems like once I get the idea out of my head, I’m sort of satisfied with that. And as a result, a layer of dust starts to gather on my site. Earlier this afternoon, I was driving back to work from lunch and there was guy walking in the street, on the passenger side, and 2 guys walking on my driver’s side – all 3 walking in the direction from which I came. And I just had the urge to shout out “what up my niggas”. I don’t know these dudes. Never peeped them in the neighborhood before. And that’s not to say they don’t live around, but it does speak on biological bonds being very weak in the black community. Obviously, with the #BlackLivesMatter movement taking over, a lot of issues involving black people are rushing to the surface. So, a need, or at the least a wanting, to become more connected is happening, just in general. But I had to question my own reaction to that feeling of wanting to acknowledge my neighbors. I sort of caught myself off-guard. I’m not anti-social. I think that term is abused and flung around way too much. It’s not in me to speak to random people who I might not ever cross paths with again. At least, it wasn’t. Recently, I have been actively trying to become a more empathic person. And I suppose that feeling of wanting to acknowledge your fellow-man, and in a sense show love, is a result of opening oneself up to the world.

And with that being said, I need to reach out to my weed man.

Things

If life has no meaning or purpose
as some people believe
or at least say
as I sometimes feel
then is creating without purpose 1 of the most god like things a person can do?
Sometimes I think god is real.
Sometimes I think god is just a real good idea.
Probably thinking too much most of the time.