I woke up Saturday with a clogged nose and an itchy throat. “I’m fucked” was my first thought. I thought right. Being sick is my number one pet peeve. It’s above chicks who pop gum, which makes me want to go on a chin tapping spree. I missed two days at the gym. I haven’t blazed since Friday. I feel out of sync.

“…and some oral sex” is the greatest suffix. Ever.

This is pointless. I’m going to go shower, wash my beard and all that.