I curse and laugh snidely at myself every time I walk into Starbucks and buy, well, anything. White chocolate mocha, in particular, is my vice. The fact that I’m paying almost 5 bucks for hot chocolate and whipped cream is crazy. I know it is. I can’t help it though. I mean, I’m sitting here trying to justify the purchase and to be truthful, the joy I get from the tastiness of this hot beverage doesn’t even last long enough to warrant the money I’m shelling out for it.

I’ve been watching a lot of porn the past few days. The reasons are numerous. But I want to talk about facials, specifically, how overrated they are and how they can be a bit of a hindrance. There is so much finality to a facial. Facials are the sexual equivalent to the final closing of a curtain at a Broadway show. The star has either died a(n) honorable death, saved his/her true love from whatever danger she/he was in or stumbled onto some truth about his/her predecessor and has decided to take a different path in life. I feel like there’s nothing left after that. I just shotgun blasted a semen lighting bolt on your face. That’s impossible to follow, at least in my opinion. I’ve de-fouled her so much, I don’t even want to be near the destruction I just caused. I’m a much bigger fan of cream-pies. I am totally aware of the repercussions. Fuck them though. Whereas facials are the end of the show, cream-pies oooh glorious cream-pies are like a short intermission or even a long chopped and screwed scream for an encore performance. Seriously, look at it while it’s happening. The convulsing vaginal muscles are struggling to say “Give….me….” and then it spits out “moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooore”. So, I didn’t really prove facials are overrated, but whatever. I’m smoking now.

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  1. I wonder if it could tell us anything about a person if we rigged their VLC or Windows Media Player with some sort of tracking device/script/bug/whatevs and analyzed when they fast-forwarded and where they fast-forwarded to in their illegally downloaded pornographic clip. If someone skips right to the ending would they abandon their fellow soldiers if they ever had to fight in a war? Are they more susceptible to academic cheating? Do they appreciate fine art or are they avid Pitbull fans. So many Q’s.

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