The Greatest Rapper of All Time* Died On March 9th

God bless his soul, rest in peace kid/it’s because of him now at least I know what beef is

I have on the biggest pair of pants right now. Looking back on my highschool days, I can’t understand why I was buying pants, or clothes in general, one and sometimes two sizes too big. I know you’re probably saying ‘well why’d you wear them stupid?’ and ‘why don’t you go buy some pants that fit dickhead?’. My response to that is shut the fuck up, get off my case. I’m still adjusting my wardrobe and bottoms that aren’t denim are low on the totem pole. But after looking at myself in the mirror today and laughing at the crotch bunching disaster that comes from tightening a belt so that size 38 pants stay on a size 35 waist, something has to be done ASAP. I wish Uniqlo had an online store.

Wow. I’m such a girl. Thank goodness for all this chest hair, which the ladies love surprisingly. Not mine specifically, just in general. Whew!

I wish I could come up with a well thought out reason why I want a pick-up truck now. I can’t though. The only reasonable explanation is my weekend DIY Network marathon that has been occuring every Saturday since early February where I get inspired to destroy and rebuild and needing a vehicle to haul lumber and whatever other shit I need to construct a new walk-in shower or…something. I’ve been avoiding driving, and the financial responsibilities that come with it, off and on, mostly on, for the past twelve years. My minor lack of patience and low tolerance for nonsense should make this a fun expedition.

Speaking of expeditions, my co-worker drives one. He also thinks there are multiple water sources in this building:

C-w: Sup, I’m going to the caf to get some hot water for my tea. I’ll meet you upstairs.
Me: Why don’t you just get some from the fountain and put it in the microwave?
C-w: That water tastes funny.

I suppose it’s a subconscious thing, water from one section of a building tasting that much different than water from another section. I hope he doesn’t think that the cafeteria’s source of water is a fresh spring or a river, barely touched by civilization. I mean, even if it was, a bear might shit upstream.

*(I’m not in agreement with that infamous Canibus line, just using it in acknowledgement of what today is.)

3 Comments

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  1. i dont believe the line either (its obviously me), but i too used it today!
    the whole pants situation made me laugh like crazy. thanks for making me the girl whos crazy all the time.

    Like

  2. You want a truck because deep down inside, all those flannel shirts you been buying is because you are really a lumberjack, that chops wood in a cabin and of course needs a truck lmao

    And yes you have sexy man chest hair rawrrrrr
    -strokes the hair- mmm yeah

    Like

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