Judge Joe Brown’in

Girl Logic. It’s no secret that most humans who inhabit this planet believe, and rightfully so, that women on average tend to toss logic to the side when making a point. Or when saying something completely pointless. I’m not completely sure why this is. Genetic make-up maybe, the way they are hardwired, who knows. Case in point, this morning I was getting off the freight elevator and two older women were in the corridor chit-chatting. This particular area is suppose to be “secure” with “limited access” because it leads to the loading dock, so according to the rules, it basically shouldn’t be used as a shortcut. I’m going to attempt to transcribe the conversation to the best of my ability, so this isn’t verbatim.

old lady 1: I don’t understand why they just don’t put a turnstyle down here. Those double doors take forever to go through.
old lady 2: Well, they say these elevators are for freight traffic only, not human traffic.
old lady 1: Well… humans can get down here, freight don’t pull itself!

I wanted to turn around and say, “You are absolutely right, freight doesn’t pull itself. But if you don’t have any freight, YOU SHOULDN’T USING THIS GOTDAMN ELEVATOR YOU OL’ BAT.” I didn’t say this, obviously, but if I had, there should have been no response unless she was going to admit that she was basically breaking a rule. Now, I’m willing to bet that if I had said something, she would have responded and it would not have been an admittance of guilt, but some nonsensical old lady run on sentence about her bad hip or some shit.

My co-worker has mastered the art of cliche butchery. The latest display of his skills came yesterday, when one of the programmers walked up on us:

P: Hey guys. How’s it going?
Me: Alright. Where ya’ been?
P: Yeeeaaaahhh, I know I’m slacking, my name’s really in the mud around here…
Co-worker: Yea, very so much!
Me: hahahahahahaha WHAT?
C-w: Very so much…
Me: hahahahahahaha You mean very much so…?
C-w: -shame face- You know what I meant.

I’ll say at least three times a week, he’ll say something that shocks me, makes me laugh or forces me to enter into an hour long debate (e.g. his belief that Playboy is not pornography) that usually doesn’t produce any results or changed views/opinions. I think I’ll start sharing more of these exchanges. They are far too entertaining to keep to myself.

A giant FUCK YOU shoutout goes to Verizon and their craptastic customer service. If you are going to continue to put up with Comcast’s Internet monopoly and not offer FIOS to city residents, the least you could do is be dedicated servants to the loyal customers who still stick with your turtle-slow DSL service. I haven’t see any new porn in almost two weeks! HEAR MY CRIES.

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