First day of the month and I’ve already died once upon hearing the breaking news update that MC Hammer has created a diss record. The target of this fired shot doesn’t even matter because the shooter is MC Fucking Hammer. OAKLAND IN DAH HOUSE FOO! Mondays should always be this joyous.

Why is food so much better when you’re drunk and/or high? I know there is a long drawn out medical answer. I’m going to bing it because it’s no fucking way a 6 dollar gyro, with meat in it that I wouldn’t even bet on trying to identify, should be so good all the time. I’ve literally never eaten this thing while the sun was visible. So it’s either got to do with the moon’s alignment and the wave patterns of the Atlantic or my BAC. Where’s my researching monocle…